The Essence Of Her: Becoming The Crown Before The Altar

“A virtuous woman, who can find? For her price is far above rubies.” — Proverbs 31:10

Some women walk into a room and speak volumes without saying a word. You feel their presence before you hear their voice or even see them. It isn’t about style, status, or beauty—great as those may be. They carry something rarer. Something sacred. It is their essence. Soft yet solid. Quiet yet unmistakable. A fragrance of grace. An atmosphere of peace that clings to their very presence.

You don’t just meet this kind, you encounter them. And what you sense about them is virtue. Not the watered-down kind confused with behavior or religious performance. No, virtue in its purest form is a spiritual current. A force. It is the substance of a woman whose soul is filled with God. It flows from deep intimacy, not surface perfection. The Hebrew word used in Proverbs 31 is chayil—a word used elsewhere for armies, strength, valor, and wealth. That’s the weight behind the word “virtuous.”

And here’s the secret: virtue isn’t something you do. It’s something you carry. It’s not a checklist. It’s your spiritual DNA. That’s why Proverbs doesn’t begin with her works—it starts with a question: “Who can find her?” Because women like this are rare. Her deeds may be seen, but her worth is felt.

I have come to appreciate that it is entirely possible to do all the “right” things and still not be the right woman. There is a difference between the woman who does good because virtue flows from her and the one who does good to prove she has virtue. Both may serve. Both may smile in public. But if you listen closely—if your spirit is awake—you can feel the difference. One is a well pouring forth while the other a shell trying to fill itself.

Virtue never performs to be accepted. It simply reveals itself because it’s already there. Even Jesus knew the difference. In a crowd pressing in on every side, He suddenly stopped and asked, “Who touched me?” The disciples were confused since everyone was touching Him. But yet Jesus felt virtue go out of Him. It’s safe to say that that woman’s faith didn’t just touch His robe, it touched His essence. She drew power from the fullness within Him.

Virtue flows only when someone is full of God. It cannot be faked. It cannot be manufactured. And just like Him, a woman of virtue doesn’t announce herself. But when you’re near her, you feel the draw.

In the same way, a woman fully aware of who she is in God will know—deep in her spirit—when someone has touched her essence. It’s not about physical gestures, though those matter in their time. It’s a spiritual transaction. Invisible, yet undeniable.

Virtue isn’t unlocked by marriage, nor is it triggered by romance. It is the quiet, potent beauty of a woman who has walked with God and allowed Him to shape her from the inside out. A husband may enjoy the fruits of her essence, but she was a garden before he ever stepped inside.

That’s why the Proverbs 31 woman is so powerful. She isn’t trying to become anything. She’s simply living from overflow. She wakes early not just to serve, but because there is joy in her rising. She prepares for her household not from duty, but from wisdom. She laughs at the future because peace sits at her table.

Her strength, her business, her kindness, her parenting—none of it is forced. It is the natural result of who she is. Virtue is her signature. Her marriage didn’t make her a crown. It simply gave her a head to rest on.

We see this same grace in Ruth. Before Boaz ever claimed her as his bride, he admitted how all the people of his town knew that Ruth was a virtuous woman. She had no title or ring. Yet her virtue was undeniable. Why is that so? Her essence spoke before she did. Boaz didn’t make her that kind of woman. Rather,he recognized her as that kind of woman.

And this shifts how we think about love and marriage. No wonder so many women today feel crushed under the weight of wife advice: “Do this. Don’t do that. Be strong, but soft. Submit here, lead there.” It’s exhausting because it’s backwards. It tries to build virtue through behavior rather than being.

But here is freedom: you don’t become virtuous by mimicking what other women do. You become virtuous by being filled with God. That’s what gives your life that heavenly fragrance. That’s what causes your presence to linger even after you’ve left the room. It’s the sweetness of surrender. It’s not loud but it’s loud enough to stop the Son of God in His tracks.

And when a man finds a woman like that; when he recognizes not just her works but her virtue, he doesn’t just gain a partner. He plugs into power. Into grace and an atmosphere that steadies him, and sharpens him.

It’s no wonder Proverbs calls her a crown. A crown doesn’t strive; it rests– peacefully so. She doesn’t just sit beside him; she elevates him. And when a man honors a woman like that, when he aligns with her, protects her virtue instead of diminishing it, his whole life rises.

So, dear woman: stop trying to prove you’re worthy through works. Let God fill you until you overflow. The most romantic thing about you isn’t what you do but it’s who you are becoming when no one is looking. And when the right man finds that? He won’t just fall in love. He’ll rise in purpose.

So if you want to be a woman of romance, of wisdom and worth, don’t start with doing; start with being. Let Him fill you. Let Him form you. Let virtue grow quietly in the soil of your secret place with God. And when it’s time, the world won’t need convincing. They’ll just know: She carries something rare.

Always remember, a virtuous woman doesn’t complete a man; she catalyzes him.

And a wise man? He knows when he’s standing in the presence of a crown.